Raising a child with disabilities can be so draining. Can I just say those words to you who are on this journey with me...because I know you get it! You know I'm not complaining. You know that tired feeling when its only 9 am and you've already changed soiled sheets AND soiled clothes, had 3 melt-downs and spilt breakfast on the floor.
It was on one of "those" days that I flung myself into my worn red-leather rocker and open my Bible to Psalm 119 with a sigh and heavy heart. I love when God pours water into my parched soul, flooding me with the relief I so deperately long for. As I read these verses, they resonated so deeply in me as hope for my son filled my heart...
Psalm 119: 73-80 became my prayer:
Your hands have made me and fashioned me; give me understanding that I may learn your commandments.
Oh God, I pray that my son will know that God made him.... made him exactly like he is - disabilities and all!
Those who fear You shall see me and rejoice, because I have hoped in your word.
I pray that others would see God reflected in my son's life. That this boy would hope in God. Not in a cure. Not in therapy. Not in medication alone.
I know O Lord that your rules are righteous and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.
I pray that even when life is hard and consequences seem to overwhelm him.... when he feels like life is unfair and that he always has restrictions...even then that my son would know that God is fair.
That he would know that God has allowed this affliction - this horrible disability...and although I don't understand why, that this boy will trust that God is righteous and faithful!
Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant.
God, comfort my son! On all the long days when he is lonely, be his friend. On stressful days when he is confused, be his wisdom. On ordinary days when he is tempted in his innocence and ignorance, be his compass, be his conscious. In moments of discouragement and frustration, be his steadfast love.
Let your mercy come to me that I may live; for your law is my delight.
Give my son mercy. Give him grace and strength for each new day! Let him look to You, God. Help me to help him hide Your word in his heart, that You would be his delight. In a confusing materialistic world, be his desire.
Let the insolent be put to shame because they have wronged me with falsehood; as for me, I will meditate on your precepts.
This is my prayer: that those who shun my child, those who prey on his ignorance and his innocence be put to shame. Let those who tease him be punished. Allow Your words to penetrate his mind so that he will meditate on Your truth. May Your precepts give him courage.
Let those who fear you turn to me, that they may know your testimonies.
Most of all God, I pray that You will be glorified in his life. Let others see Grace & Hope when they see what this little boy has overcome.
May my heart be blameless in your statues, that I may not be put to shame
Keep this boy pure in heart and ever child like in his faith. Give my boy confidence in You that he may never feel ashamed.
Most of all, I pray that I, as his parent --in my confusion, in my misunderstanding of his disability - would ever cause his heart to harden. May I be faithful to follow your statues as I raise him.