Tuesday, August 16, 2011

So simple, yet so complicated

Its such a dilemma: I struggle with this decision to allow our child with FASD to play next door without me hovering. It really doesn’t have much to do with the neighbors because I allow his sibling to go over there freely.  It’s just him...the FASD.

I see in his eyes the longing to go over and be with the kids, and it breaks my heart as I want so much to let him go free. I do not want to be a helicopter parent, always hovering. Yet, Fetal Alcohol has deemed it otherwise.

As a rule, I say "No, I’m sorry, I can’t trust you and here’s why...you broke this... you dumped this out when daddy wasn’t looking...you sprayed this when I answered the phone...you broke this toy...you threw this at your brother.  When you do all those things at home the minute I go to the bathroom or get a drink in the house, then how can I trust you next door.  I’m sorry. I can’t allow it."

For whatever reason, today when he asked, I said “ok”.  And his whole face lit up. "Really!?! This is the luckiest night of my life. Oh Thank you! Thank You!"  Which only pierced my heart all the more as I heard the excitement squealing from his whole being.

Yet the minute I allow him across the fence, he can’t control himself. Within a minute - that is no exaggeration - within a minute, he has picked up a watergun and squirted a toddler in the face who is yelling "stop! stop!" while he laughs at them. 

And here I am calling him back to our house. While all the kids are enjoying themselves to the fullest on the front lawn next door. 

I wish I could set him free. I wish I didn't have to hover.  I wish he could handle it.

I hate FASD.


  1. This post describes me and my son with PDD-NOS completely. He is almost 7 and I rarely allow him to go play with other kids without me hovering near by to constantly correct his behaviors. Even worse, I can trust his 4 year old brother completely to behave and follow directions from other adults. I hate that even more--what's worse to a kid than knowing his little brother knows how to behave better than he does? It hurts my heart.

    Enjoying your blog and reading back a ways. :)

  2. Thanks Jill. I'm glad its encouraging you. Its hard on a mothers heart for sure! My son has a younger sibling who can be trusted far more and has many more privileges.